Rob Sterling

I saw that sac mentioned “Stacy Noblog” in a sort-of recent post and it piqued my curiosity about the durability and spread of the “Stacy Noblog” meme.

Some background, first. “Stacy Noblog” is a monicker crafted by me and Eurotrash a few years ago during a night of drunken excess - the only kind of night you’re likely to have while in the company of Eurotrash - in which Ms. “Noblog” herself partook but did not, naturally, blog. Or at least Eurotrash says I helped come up with the name - I honestly remember very little about that night, and woke up lashed to a piling 40 feet out into the Hudson River, near the Hoboken train station. The name stuck.

The important question: Is She Becoming Famous? Is she on Nick Denton’s speed dial? Does Jason Calacanis know her by sight? Has Jake Dobkin posted unflattering or compromising photos of her to his site? Does Kate Lee take her to lunch? Is she listed on Blogebrity? Those are the things that really matter, after all. The answer? I have no idea.

That does not, however, mean that I can’t massage meaningless data into a semblance of an answer. As you can see from these comparative graphs, despite its more recent vintage, the “Stacy Noblog” phenomenon is making good progress versus “D. B. Cooper”, the nom de non plume of another famous non-blogger. It’s not unreasonable to project that in another 15 years she will overtake “D. B.” and perhaps even serve as the subject of a speculative biopic, The Pursuit of Stacy Noblog. Thus I so project; voila! In her movie I further project that she won’t be played by Tara Reid, despite sac’s likening of Ms. “Noblog” to the actress, because by then Tara Reid will look like Shelly Winters during the underwater scene with Gene Hackman from The Poseidon Adventure, and Stacy won’t.

The bad news is that against a blogger like Lockhart Steele (allegedly his real name) she gets her stealthy little ass totally pwned.

The lesson? To become famous in America today without having to wait until you’re old, you must either blog or hire a publicist. Merely hanging out with bloggers, consuming trendy alcoholic drinks that don’t tase like alcoholic drinks, not-blogging and not-posting-photos is a slow, arduous path to fame. And really, what’s the point of going to all the trouble of not-blogging if second-hand smoke liver damage coprophobia from Eurotrash alone will kill you before your movie is released? Just get a cat, not-clean your toilet on a sporadic basis and drink yourself to death at home; it’ll be cheaper.

Filed under: Ejecta